It has taken me a while to be able to finish this blog up, I surely expected to be updating while in the hospital.
July 29th came and with little sleep Dustin and I made our way to the Fetal Care Institute to begin the process of the best and we would soon find out the hardest day or our life. Once we were there the two grandma's, 3 grandpa's, 2 uncles, and a great aunt and uncle showed up to help us welcome this amazing little guy into the world. While laying there getting all checked in and ready Parker was kicking away and I was enjoying every last minute of it and getting scared as every minute that passed meant that my little guy would have to start his fight soon. The ride up to delivery was one of the scariest moment I thought I would ever have . Delivery was a little later than it was suppose to be because the Doctor was running late but to me it didn't matter that was just longer that I was protecting my baby.
Parker made his way into this world at 9:01 am :) I am not sure what time it was that I actually got to the NICU to see him . I woke up in recovery and all I wanted to know was that he was ok and not on Ecmo. They kept telling me he was doing great and not on ECMO, and at the time he was doing ok . At this point family had not seen him yet. As they pushed my bed into his NICU room I seen a lot of people standing outside his room and thought it was a little weird but I was just excited to see my Parker, my little fighter.
The moment I seen him I felt complete and for once in my life I had done something right. Even with the breathing tubes in him he was perfect. He looked so much like his daddy :) I was the happiest I had ever been in my life with my baby and my husband there standing next to me, my two loves .
Within minutes of the best moment in my life it came to the worst news anyone could ever want to hear. "There is nothing more we can do" I was so confused I was told he was doing ok now I was being told this was it. I didnt understand. They then told me he wasnt going to make it. My world came crashing down. How am I suppose to say hello and goodbye to my baby all in the same day? I just didnt understand what they were telling me . They told me that they had the vents on the highest they could put them and it still was not doing enough and he couldnt be put on ECMO b/c his lungs were not thick enough and it would burn them up and right now the Carbon Dioxide was building up in his body and was going to poison his little body. My heart sank... I was holding my perfect little guy that wansnt going to make it and I had to let him go and there wasnt anything I could do. I felt so helpless, I am suppose to protect him and I couldnt any more .
My amazing nurse Katie is one of the best nurses I could have asked for. They had mentioned taking Parker off his breathing machine before we even got to see him and she said No and wouldn't let them do it , so thanks to her I actually got to hold my baby and see him open his little eyes and he was able to hold our fingers. She also got them to let me take Parker to St.Marys so I could spend some more time with him. She hand pumped him all the way there just so we had more precious time with him She is an amazing women that I will never in my life forget what she did for me.
Parker passed away at 2:15 in his daddies arms.
He only lived for a couple short hours but he changed our life forever.
This will be the final blog entry for our little Parker, I will leave it up for other mothers who will have to go through this and look for information or answers or whatever it may be that they are looking for
Mommy loves you more than life it self Parker, there will not be one second of one day that I do not think about you and what should have been.<3