Everyday makes it just a lil closer

        I sat around today and  was thinking  how I cant wait to have  my lil  guy to  chase  by the  pool and  spend   my summer days with. I so cant wait to see his lil face and  hold those lil feet that have  been kicking me  every night. It amazes me how I can  love someone so much and he isn't even here yet and he is already  my world. I catch myself talking about  how things are going to be  when he is older or  just things I wanna do  with him and  then  I am brought back to reality that we are not sure we  even have a future and  it crushes me on the inside that I even have to think like that. I just want  so bad to wake up and  this just be a nightmare and  I find out that  my babies lungs are  perfect and there is no doubt I will bring him home. I don't feel  bad  for myself for having to deal with  all the  stress and  anxiety  from knowing that My baby has CDH, I feel bad when I think about  how hard he is going to have it  in just the first  couple weeks of his life and that I am  helpless in  doing anything to help him.
I keep thinking about how my delivery is  going to  happen and how that  day is  going  happen. Just thinking about it  scares me to  death. I  get asked  well you are  excited  right?  I am  so excited to see that little face that I have been  trying to  have for  many years now, but I know  him being inside me is the  safest  place for him and  the only way I can  protect him. Knowing that  I am going to wake up and he  wont be in there anymore  just don't seem real after having 3 other surgery while  pregnant and  I would always  ask is my  baby OK and now it wont be that easy.

          I was reading through another mothers  blog who has a baby with CDH and I found  some  words that   I thought  were  really good .
      Having a baby with a birth defect such as CDH or any other kind, does not mean you are less blessed then someone who does not have one. If your child dies in the womb or outside of the womb at ANY age, you are not less of a mother or father.  In fact, your more blessed then you think.  We are more blessed.  Because God has chosen us to be there mommies and daddies.  He chose us before they were even thought of, and God KNEW that only a strong Mommy and Daddy could endure such heart ache. It's ok to hurt, it doesn't mean we've given up.  It's ok to cry, it doesn't mean we don't have hope.  The important thing is that we don't get off track, and we keep pushing toward the finish line

Dr. Visit didnt go like it normally does , but we had a little bit of progress!

The  Dr. appointment didn't go as I had hoped for today. The office was a bit hectic due to another mother giving birth and  one of the regular Dr.s I see every week is out of town for work and  there was a different ultrasound tech there too! Usually  the 2 doctors and the ultrasound tech each do a measurement and then give me the average  but today  only one doctor and  I am really not even sure if the  tech  did a measurement, but we  did get a little better on the head lung ratio it is now a  2.4.Dr.Yang said that  the lungs are not as bright ( the gel made them appear bright on the ultrasound) so there is a  chance that the  gel is dissolving. We knew this would happen  but just had hoped that the gel would have stayed  in there for a bit longer. It is not totally gone but we  think it might be dissolving he said it is hard to tell. I am happy to  hear there was a bit of an increase in the  ratio  I guess I just  had hoped for more.I asked  if they had set a date for me to have the c section but he said they were going to take careful consideration  in determining  that so once again  is is unknown. I am praying that Dr.Yang will be in town when I give  birth and he is able to do the  surgery on the baby as well ( He had a vacation planned to go home before I came to the Fetal Care Institute), I asked him today and  he said he is working on it  so we will see. He is an amazing doctor  that I know will take great  care of my little guy. I hope next weeks visit there is still a little more growth   we are hoping to get into the 3's before the  gel is gone.  Thanks to  everyone who is  reading this  and  praying for  my little  guy  weather I know you or not I am  beyond thankful for every single prayer  he gets.

Taking it one day at a time

The  doctor appointment went  really good yesterday.Our lil guy now weighs  2lbs 5oz! All the  doctors were very excited to see  both the lungs! The head to lung ratio was a 2.1, the past visits  it has been a  1.1 then a 1.6 then a  1.3  which means  2.1 was very exciting to hear! I have  3 different people that  do measurements and  then they  take the average between the 3  and  one of them even got a 2 . 7  which is amazing! We have to hope and pray that the lungs continue to grow for another 3 weeks and the head to lung ratio  goes  up, after  the 3 weeks we expect the  head to lung to  go  down  b/c then the  gel will be  gone. The higher we can get it  in the next 3 weeks the better :) They said  that  the gel seems to be  doing exactly what it is suppose to be doing, so  we had a good take !  Dr. Valastos said that in the past if the  gel has taken like ours has then we should continue to see growth. We  took a  tour of the  NICU, that will be my home for a while after he is born.  Thank you all for the  prayers they  seem to be  working so please keep them coming we still have a long road ahead of us. Most of all lets hope he  stays  put inside for at least another  70 days ! In the mean time he is having a  blast kicking away in there and I am loving every minute of it !

Wow almost 7 months along already...

It  really seems like  just yesterday I had the nurse walk in and tell me  I was  pregnant. I was beyond excited  I didn't know  what to do or who to call. ( Normally  people will tell their husbands 1st  but  mine works  midnights  so he was sleeping and the phone was off)  I remember thinking  August is so far away, now with  just about  2 months  left I look back and think where did time  go. In one since I cant wait to see his  sweet lil face and  hold his hand  but  then the thought  of him not being inside where he is safe  scares the heck out of me. I am going to  miss the  kicks that  keep me up all night  and when I laugh and  Dustin looks at me  like I am  crazy b/c I am laughing out  of no where. I sit here and think  about how hectic our lives are  right now with  all the  hospital stays and  Dr. visits and  this is nothing compared to what we will face in  about 72 days.  For now I just live  day by day, and  everyday  lil guy stays inside its even better. I am  excited to see  what the Dr's say on Thursday, I hope and  pray the  gel  works and  does what  we  think it is suppose to do. I have talked to other moms who had it done and  with one it worked and the other there was no  change. I am  lucky number 6  to have the  procedure  done ( well lets hope its lucky #6). Thanks for all the prayers  I truly do thank  all of you from the bottom of my heart  <3

 26w4d ( Almost 7 months) <3

Time is what we need....

I look back  at the past month and think how much my life has  changed. I never in my wildest  dreams would have  thought this pregnancy would have included 3 surgery's in a little over a month, that my baby would be born with such a scary thing like CDH. Now we just have to wait to see if the gel in his lungs will work as well as it did for the  other baby. The  Dr came in and  done an ultrasound yesterday  before I left  the hospital and   to our surprise we could actually see a  left lung for the  1st time  on an ultrasound. I knew then  that  doing that  surgery was  defiantly the  right thing to do so our lil guy  will have a  fighting chance. I am excited yet  scared at the same time to see what  the  next month will bring us. Right now  we are hoping I stay pregnant for the  next 78 days, which will put me at 37 weeks.  In the mean time  our lil guy has been  kicking away :) and I love  evry lil kick I  get . Thanks for all the  thoughts and prayers<3

Had a rough week and I am I pretty sure next week will be just about the same

So  the past week has  been  rough. Had to  go to the hospital again  with pain in my stomach and  they thought it was my ovary twisting again but then  they  got in there and found that  I have a fibroid that is huge and is attached to the  ovary. While in there they  seen  pus  around my appendix so they took that out  not really knowing if  that was  causing me the pain but they wanted to take it just in case. So we left the hospital after a  2 night  stay and  headed to Cardinal  Glennon  to the  Fetal Care Institute (FCI)  I was  praying we would get good news again but I  know that with CDH  babies  good news is not a  very common thing to happen. The doctors  couldn't really get a   great  view  b/c the baby was  curled up and  with all the gas in my stomach from just having surgery  they  couldn't get the best of views. We could tell that his  lungs were  not  growing like we had hoped for  so they said if we wanted to do the hydrogel procedure  it would be best  that we do that  next week. That would mean yet another surgery for me to have to go through (#3), but if there is a  chance it can save my baby then I will do it. The scary thing is  after I have it I am going to be  high risk for  early labor and  they told me that  I HAVE to make it to 37 weeks for a chance. Then most likely at  37 weeks I will have a  scheduled  c section... I just hope that the  surgery goes smooth and I get through it without any contractions. I still find it  hard to believe that  all of this is happening. I find myself  wondering if I can  handle all of this before he is even here  and then what I have to  face when he  gets here, then I  get this little kick from inside telling me that it is all worth it. For the next week   I need  everyone to pray that   the surgery goes well and  the  week following  as well since I will be at high risk  of preterm labor.